


Don't Blow It

by BatchSan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Kink Meme, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Slash, Tentabulges, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:36:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatchSan/pseuds/BatchSan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oral sex is a troll taboo. Dave gives zero fucks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Blow It

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/39716.html?thread=45098276#cmt45098276). *_*

"What the fuck are you doing?" Karkat demanded, equal parts angry and horrified.

Dave patiently looked up at the glowering troll. "Just looking for some change to do the laundry after you squirt out all kinds of weird troll jizz on the good bedsheets. Laid them out special for you, sweetheart."

"I swear to fuck that if you call me sweetheart ever again I'll gag you with my own digestional tract."

"Aw yeah, saying shit like that totally makes me want to gobble down your freaky alien dick even more." Dave's eyeroll was hidden beneath his shades.

The troll still looked as scandalized as if Dave had stuck his dick into a bucket. He tried to paw himself away from the human but Karkat was pinned by his legs beneath Dave. A subtle upturn at one corner of his mouth let Karkat know the ironic asshole was getting a kick out of his struggling.

"Look, I don't want to know what kind of dumb, sick shit you're planning to do but you won't be doing it to me, I forbid it!"

This time Dave lowered his shades so the troll could see him rolling his eyes. Karkat resisted a shiver at the sight of those red eyes looking up at him before they disappeared behind the aviators again.

"I'm trying to blow you but I got a feeling it violates seventy-five troll laws and earns a guest spot on the Maury show," Dave said.

"Don't be such a glubfucking idiot, Strider. The Troll!Maury show is the highlight of nighttime television so don't even attempt to insult him by comparing him to some reject human wannabe!"

"Oh man," Dave said with a shake of his head, "never thought Maury would be a topic of debate before sex. Let's just get this baby momma drama on the road and you just tell me what you're freaking out about now?"

Karkat was tempted to punch the human at the obviousness of the situation.

"Trolls don't go around 'blowing' each other, fuckass."

Dave blinked, the action unseen but somehow felt by the other boy who only scowled harder in response.

"Trolls don't blow each other, ever?" Dave asked calmly. "No mouth to freaky troll junk at all?"

"Have you seen our teeth? Fuck no," Karkat said, cringing.

"Well shit, imagine if my teeth were flat, blunt instruments capable of tearing apart a Doritos chip with the same ease as crazy, sharp knives tear through flesh and bone. Things'd sure as shit be safer that way."

It was Karkat's turn to blink, slowly, as realization hit him. Although the realization didn't earn an immediate sense of ease because teeth were still fucking teeth, pathically dull or not.

Seeing that the troll was going to continue making things unnecessarily uncomfortable and difficult, Dave kissed the slightly pudgy gray of his stomach before licking Karkat's jeans over where his bulge was torn between wiggling out due to Dave's proximity or hiding so not to be maybe possibly accidentally bitten. The human's tongue pressed hard against his sheath through the black material, drawing a groan from Karkat's lips.

"You deaf dumb fuck, I said--" Karkat groaned again when Dave repeated the action, undoing the jeans' fasteners in the process.

In one movement the jeans were around Karkat's knees, which were still somehow pinned beneath Dave. Hazy, Karkat watched the blond's tongue drag up the length of Karkat's sheath, drawing a wiggling tentacle from within as if it sought to see what had disturbed it. Karkat gulped when Dave breathed onto its tip. The warmth set the tentacle on a desperate wiggling fight to seek out the source.

"You can still say no," Dave said, smirking, "but I think you might be out-voted by one intent tentacle dick."

The troll frowned despite the gnawing curiosity welling up in him. 'No' was still on the tip of his tongue though because this shit was so clearly dumb and a very bad idea but when Dave stuck out his tongue, the tip of his bulge eagerly wrapped around it. The feeling was strange, stranger than when his bulge wrapped around Dave's non-tentacle bulge.

"F-fine, but I hope you choke on it," Karkat barely managed to say, a blush bright on his face.

There was five awesome comebacks that flittered through Dave's head but it took a little longer than a few seconds to get his tongue back from the grabby appendage and by then the chance to shoot them had passed. He did take a moment to enjoy the sight of a nervous, flustered Karkat laid out before him like a virgin sacrifice.

Returning to the wiggly troll junk, Dave grabbed it at the base to lessen some of its movements. He never blew a dude before but he'd seen enough porn to get an idea of it, coupled with some basic troll handjob know-how Dave felt enough confidence to attempt this. Letting the tip of the tentacle wrap around the index finger of his other hand, Dave pinched it just enough to hold it straight while his tongue licked a careful strip up its length.

Karkat buckled sharply at the feeling, biting his finger to avoid shouting. Dave repeated the action, getting slapped in the face with translucent red slime as he lost his grip on the tip of the tentacle. Fine then, no more teasing.

Sliding the hand still holding the tentacle's base up until it was about midway, Dave licked his lips, suddenly dry, and slipped his mouth over the tentacle's tip. Karkat squealed like a pig about to be slaughtered; it took Dave sixteen years worth of poker faces to keep from laughing. Not that he dared to with a slimy tentacle thrashing wildly about in his mouth. Worried it would grab his uvula, Dave let it wrap around his tongue some before sliding his hand and mouth down at the same time. This time Karkat made an inhuman noise, guttural and breathy all at once. Peering up at him, Dave could see that Karkat had just clawed through part of the bedsheet, his bare chest rising and falling in shallow breaths as though afraid to take a breath. He looked scared and like he was going to break apart all at once.

Dave's boxers were suffocating on his lil soldier.

Dave carefully came up, sliding his hand again up to maintain control; he quickly went back down. The keening sound that fell from Karkat's lips was damn near enough to make him come. Of course, Dave gagged slightly on all the wiggly appendage in his mouth. Better to be consistent and careful than show-offy he realized. So he went to work bobbing his mouth up and down Karkat's length, slurping every so often to swallow down excess saliva and some of the slime.

Karkat was a babbling, growling mess by the time Dave's jaw began to ache dully. The troll cursed hoarsely when he looked down to see Dave drooling and slurping around his bulge. Why was this shit taboo again, he faintly wondered as he felt his orgasm coming; a boiling fire raging through his groin area. But the true nail on the coffin for him was the feel of Dave slipping fingers into his nook and peering up at him over his shades.

There couldn't have been a more hotter sight in all of paradoxical space.

The troll wailed when he came, his body an angry arch as he clawed at everything within his reach. Dave had to let go when his mouth was filled to puking with red come, paler than blood by at least five shades. He did take a lot of the jizz in his face, his shades a hopeless mess so that he had to take them off once his face was out of range.

When it was over, Dave waited for Karkat, the now panting wreck, to be coherent enough for words.

"Guess that was my one go at it. Could've done better but I guess we'll never know since you won't be up to doing that ever again," Dave said, ignoring the throb in his boxers.

"Don't fucking joke like that, dickwad," Karkat panted, shocked. "I'm feeling fucking vulnerable after that so seriously don't fucking joke like that."

Dave smirked. "Good to know."

Crawling up the ruined bedsheet, Dave pressed his mouth against the troll's. They kissed until Karkat's hand pressed against Dave's jeans, making the blond grunt.

"Maybe... I can try it too?" Karkat's voice was low and almost embarrassed.

Dave hadn't expected that kind of an offer and though he had some reserves about sharp teeth near his dick, he wasn't going to pass up the chance at a free blowjob.

"Yeah, but watch your teeth."


End file.
